I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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