Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
