How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize