it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
