I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
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