I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
