my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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