I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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