oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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