I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
