Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
