And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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