just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
