I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
