um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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