Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
