Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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