Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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