is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
