Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
