Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
