I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
