is your mom at the bar?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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