paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i barfeds in our rink
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
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