I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
