when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
