I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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