He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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