do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
