i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
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