Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
