seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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