Non-Jews are for practice
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
