Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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