Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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