Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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