8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
