Swine flu. Run for my life!
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm passing your future prison.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
