You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
