You work out of a Hotel?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
