don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
