It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
