i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Randomize
