thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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