i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
