She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
