is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
