I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
