So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I understand Curling. That high.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Dignity is for republicans.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
