I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
