Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I think I won the penis lottery.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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