I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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