I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
