For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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