I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
