Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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