ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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