I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm having to shit out rocks
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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