No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize