Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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