No stitches, just platelets and will power
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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