honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
handjob tips. give me some.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
