Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
