You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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