I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
