I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
