idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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