laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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