just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
