is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
