dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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