somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
