so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
