First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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