He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
