i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
