there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
