dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
