Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
