My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
