Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
