Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize