I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize