Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
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Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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